Terry's Dream He Had Last Night While Sleeping Peacefully Under the Glow of the Internet

I fell asleep on my computer last night. I woke up with a residue in my mouth and coating my teeth that can only be created from a healthy combination of Taco Bell and Mountain Dew. I typically have intense dreams as it is, but now that I'm apart of this blog I can catalog how I feel and think without taking any responsibilities for my actions.

Terry's Dream He Had Last Night While Sleeping Peacefully Under the Glow of the Internet:

I'm working on a computer at a dorm room I have never seen before. Casually comfortable in my Spongebob boxer shorts and D.A.R.E. tank-top I have had since God knows when. Abruptly a strange person walks into my room and draws a gun to my head. I do not really care what is happening nor do i even turn to see what he looks like. The trigger is pulled and the first sound I hear in the vision is the click of the barrel right before it fires.

My vision becomes fuzzy. I grip the edge of the table in front of me as the bullet exits the other side of my head. I feel myself leaning against the wall and tell myself "Stay alive. Stay alive. Stay alive.", slowly I lose control of my hand and slip off the table. Everything is happening so fast and so slowly at the same time that I forget where I am or what I am doing. All that mattered to me was staying alive.

I hope that when I do get shot in the head that it will look

like that guy from Scanners when his head explodes

I now find myself in the threshold of my dorm, and I do not even recall how I crawled across my room to get there. Some kid looks at me horrified in the hallway and dropped whatever it was they were holding in their left hand. I know what I must look like but at the time I was just trying to pull myself together. Everything was falling apart inside my head and it was too comfortable for it to be good. I feel like sleeping, my hands are numb, and my eyes are trying to force quit on me. Someone grabs ahold of my arm, I'm a little surprised by this because seconds to me are hours in reality. I assume my body is keeping itself alive through pure adrenaline. I feel like fucking Chet Chelios. Everything about me is moving so slow as I find myself laying on a gurney and being hoisted into the back of an ambulance I realize that I'm dying. "Why do they make these gurneys so comfortable?" I thought to myself, "Why the fuck would they make these things this comfortable?" I try to lift my arm and apply pressure to the side of my head and I am met with a restraint that is tied around my chest and arms. A supposed safety measure, something to comfort the patient I guess. I try not to fall asleep. Peaceful images are flashing at me forcing me to fall asleep. I'm so anesthetic ... I'ts probably because of the amphetamines that are being injected into me. Feeling futile in my efforts to stay alive, I'm trying so hard to fight this, I'm trying so hard to keep myself awake.

My eyes close and the images before me darken.

Like a reflex I open my eyes and lunge forward out of my sleep. A pain is surging through my spine, my eyes feel like they are going to explode. My hands tighten and I take the deepest breathe of my life. I hear an EKG machine beeping behind me and a defibrillator dying down infront of me alongside the glamorous chatter of the people above me. Those fuckers, why couldn't they just leave me alone. I think I have finally lost all sense in my body, but not before I lost all hope for humanity and their weakness for compassion. I try to move my hand but all I get are muscle simulations and reflexes. My parents appear above me, I can tell that they are crying but I cannot hear their voices when I see them mouth the letters and syllables that make up my name. My girlfriend is calm at my side. My sister and brother are no where to be found. I guess a year must have passed by since the incident, but to me it feels like it was only minutes ago.

Fully conscious and aware of my surroundings, my disabilities and handicaps are more and more apparent. No longer can I move my thumbs, nor can i make myself talk or control my mouth for that matter, and I cannot control my thumbs. My fingers are perfectly fine, and I feel its the only thing I have control of. I do not notice little things that happen in my life anymore. I do not know when I am being fed, I cannot remember any car rides home even though I can clearly remember the feeling that it had happen, more like a revelation than anything. Everything I try to do on my own is met with the attention of the people around me. If I move everything debates on if I'm hungry or if I need to use the bathroom. I wish I could tell them all to fuck off and leave me alone but nothing escapes my lips. All I carry with me is a blank look on my face and a growing pain inside me that is my own existence.

**I apologize for my atrocious grammar and sentence structure. I should have payed more attention in High School.**

I love yet hate you all,

*782*